Desire Surrendered

I had a client who was starting a new relationship ask me how he could remain stable and still enjoy the excitement of the new possibilities.

My husband has recently gotten feelers for a fun new business opportunity and wants to enjoy it, but is also hesitant since it's not for certain.

I know that God put a calling on my life and yet there are moments when I hesitate to live in it...what if I'm being arrogant?  What if I heard wrong?

We have all seen people dive into the heady rush of a new relationship only to be shattered when the truth about their partner comes to light.  People who race toward a dream only to have it end in chaos; and God forbid, I think I heard Him say one thing and got it all wrong.

After pondering these questions I came up with the concept of desire surrendered.  Here's a personal example of how that worked for me.

I was boy crazy from day one.  I started a journal as a child and one of my first entries in childish third grade handwriting is, "I don't know why, but I'm desperate to talk to a BOY."  Can you believe that?  It was the center of who I was, this fascination with the opposite sex and getting them to like me.  I wasn't very good at it as a skinny little thing who was accused of looking like a zipper if I stood sideways and stuck out my tongue.  I made a total fool over myself chasing after  numerous boys with the height of my humiliation being the long term crush on Stephen.  Something in me just lit up when I was with him.  Of course as luck would have it he was in love with my best friend Jenny.  And who could blame him?  She was amazing in every way.

Later as I developed, the boys who used to ignore or make fun of me changed their tune and I reveled in it.  I won't lie.  It was like a drug to me.  I tried not to manipulate or harm them, but there were times that I did.  I felt powerless to be any different.  What I'm trying to say is that my DESIRE was very strong!  And yes, that desire harmed me and others.  I tried to cope by ignoring the desire or faking it.  Neither worked.

Years later in a moment of despair I started to see clearly how my desire had controlled and ruined just about every aspect of my life.  I was separated from my husband, practically homeless until Becca took me in, jobless, and carless.  I wasn't done yet though.  I started going to therapy and support meetings, but I wasn't ready to let go of my desire.

A few years later I saw it with crystal clarity; I was sick of the roller coaster.  Sick of being controlled by my desire for a loving relationship.  Sick of feeling trapped.  I became willing to surrender the desire.  The thing I spent a lifetime...or from 3rd grade at least, chasing.  I decided I was not going to date, or flirt, or even talk on the phone with men.  I told God I wanted Him to be enough.  It took about a year and a half.  I got to the place where I was truly at peace with being single the rest of my life.  When I finally started going out again I found myself on a date with a perfectly nice guy thinking, "I could be cleaning my apartment right now."  This sounds callous but what it really meant was that I had no interest in manipulating him to fall madly in love with me to soothe my wounded heart.

Today I'm married to the man of my dreams...truly.  We are not perfect and there are moments of struggle, but we are in it together.  Every moment of our relationship I work to stay surrendered to God's will for our relationship. (Here is his website if you're interested in checking him out! http://www.marcelcoaching.com/)

Here's the thing; although it was really difficult to let go initially, letting go has offered me freedom.  It has allowed me to enjoy the giddy first moments of my relationship with Marcel and to rest in the safety of knowing his integrity and love for me is eternal.

What are your desires?  Do you run from them, stuff them, disdain them?  What if you surrendered them?  Scripture tells us if we delight ourselves in God, He will give us the desires of our hearts.  What if you told God you would let go of everything in order to find Him?

This blog has been about love and I trust that you are able to make the connections to being an entrepreneur as well.  Surrender the money, even the goals.  Place them in God's hands and see if He doesn't give you beyond what you asked or imagined.