Shame Spiral

It seems the world has gone mad sometimes.  I know the media always has some catastrophe to report, but I’m talking beyond that.  There are moments where it seems every email, every phone call and every client contact I have, someone is going through a crisis.  I have wondered at times why this seems to happen, and all I can figure right now is that the holidays are often incredibly difficult and they invariably bring up any old pain people have that hasn’t been addressed.  I often feel sad about this, but not hopeless.  I see it as a chance for people to heal on a deeper level.  To let God touch their pain and clean out the wound.

I don’t say this from a professional detached place.  I say it from a personal place.  There have been moments in my life where to let God touch and see my pain feels like it might kill me.  And it’s no wonder, His love is that powerful.  Ephesians talks about God building us up from the inside so we can understand the depth, the height, and the width of His love for us.  That recently hit me on a deeper level and I realized that to let someone touch our shame and pain, to let someone see it and face complete love in response; takes some inner strength.  And scripture tells us that God needs to build us up so we can take it.  Without that build up, the power of God’s love would crush us.

In the face of our pain though, it seems we often think the answer is to start listing all the ways we are despicable people.  I call it the "shame spiral."  The voice in our head that says horrendous things that we would never consider saying to someone else.  And what’s worse is that sometimes we attack anyone who suggests this may not be a good idea.  Scripture talks about Christ not coming into the world to condemn the world.  That voice in our heads that tells us we’re horrible people and the world would be better off without us; that is Satan.  It never comes from Christ.  

I have done a fair share of sinning.  Things that I don’t feel comfortable posting on the internet.  I have noticed over the years in the face of things that I didn’t even know I was capable of, God has always been gentle in His correction of me.  He has always lovingly brought me back to His side.  And sometimes the face of that love has been more painful than if God was beating me up.  So I beat myself up and on some level feel more pious because of it.

When people I love are convinced they are so bad there are no answers for them I feel angry. I see it as a direct victory for Satan. I feel angry because I know the years and the joy that the same cycle cost me. It impacts every level.  We certainly can’t build a business in that place.  Really all there is to do in that place is to numb the pain somehow.  Purge, drink, use, have sex, cut, shop, eat...the list of behaviors that will medicate us is long.  And then we feel guilt and the cycle continues because we have new and fresh evidence of how horrible we are.

Here is the reality, you are the Bride of Christ.  Sounds cliche?  Heard it all before?  

Start by picking out the dress.  Money is no object because the Father of the bride owns the universe.  Picture your dream dress.  The flowers.  The setting.  Perfect in every way, with all of the people you love present.  Go ahead and picture it.  Who is there?  Close your eyes and see the details.  Smell the smells.  Taste the food.  What’s on the menu?  Feel the beating of your heart to know You have told Him everything about you, the best and the worst, and He loves you without hesitation or reservation.  Watch His eyes as you walk toward Him.

After the wedding you get to look forward not to a life of perfection, but a life of perfect love, a life where someone is standing by your side through every trial.  Someone who will walk beside you and has all the resources you need to build your business, raise your children, and bask in love.  

This is our reality.  We walk by faith and not by sight.  That means our reality is unseen, but just as real as the ground under our feet.  This New Year, what would it look like to ignore the lies and step into the reality we see in God’s eyes?  How would your life change?  And what would you do with this clean slate?  

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