Desire

"There is a desire within each of us, in the deep center of ourselves that we call our heart.  We were born with it, it is never completely satisfied, and it never dies...Our true identity, our reason for being, is to be found in this desire."

-Gerald May

"What is your desire?"  I ask almost all my clients this question in some form or another.  "What are you passionate about?  If I waved a magic wand and the world was suddenly as you want it to be, what would it look like?"  9 times out of 10 the answer is, "I don't know." or some variation of "a job, a house."  This surprised me at first but over the years I have come to expect it although it still makes me sad.  It's not that a job and a home are bad things.  They are the basis of our lives.  But I have never seen someone say it with a sparkle in their eye or energy that leaps off the chair at me.

The answer to this question might be the source of the famous quote, "Most men live lives of quiet desperation."  Somewhere along the line we have lost our desires.  Or worse yet, we think they get us in trouble.  Christianity has often been guilty of this.  When someone is devastated with a loss, someone is always readily available to point out that they may have wanted it too much. When we took a risk and lost, the answer seems to be a problem with our desire.  If we could just act like it wasn't really there, ignore it, push it down, we might be able to be free of the haunting voice.   Often we manage to drown out our desires with an obsession to be thin, a desire to see the next movie, in a martini, or pursuing the next romance.  They are certainly strong desires at the time, but they are not the stuff at our core.  In fact, the problem is not desire; it is disowned desire that gets us into trouble.

"Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exists.  A baby feels hunger: well there is such a thing as food.  A duckling wants to swim: well there is such a thing as water.  Men feel sexual desire: well there is such a thing as sex."

-CS Lewis

Ask any child what they want to be when they grow up and you will get profound responses: an astronaut, a mom, a fireman, rock star.  We all have in us an innate desire to make a difference.  I have NEVER heard a child say they wanted to work a 9-5 job in which someone else decides how much they will make and what they will do.  Today I am working from home. I am wearing my most comfortable clothes and my precious dog is sitting at my feet waiting for me to take a break and play with him.  I am writing something that has potential to be read by millions and make an impact.  In moments like this, I feel my calling.

God's purpose for our lives is abundance.  That doesn't mean we are all filthy rich, although I think wealth is far more available than most of us were raised to believe, but it means that as we draw close to the core desire we have, that "God sized hole," we are promised our desires fulfilled (Ps. 37:4).

Here's the point...we are not meant to live lives of quiet desperation.  As I think back on previous posts I notice that this is a particular passion of mine.  I don't write on this topic because I "should."  I write because I'm compelled to.  I write because I refuse to come to the end of my life and feel regret about the project I didn't quite have the courage to try.  So what's yours?  Take a moment to think about it and tell us in the comments section.  We will be cheering you on!

Interview With Shellie R. Warren, Author

Today's Blog is an interview with my friend Shellie R. Warren.  She has been a freelance author for about 12 years and I met her in academy.  Shellie and I weren't actually super close in high school, but she is one of the few people I have maintained contact with since my days of legalism and self-righteousness (Am I the only one who hesitates to stay in touch with high school friends after becoming extremely embarrassed about who I was in those days?).

Our relationship has been complex and unusual (anyone who knows us both can verify that!).  When I got married the first time I asked Shellie to be a bridesmaid.  She declined saying that she felt it was a mistake. Turns out she saw what I didn't at the time, but rather than ruining the friendship it made it stronger because I trusted her from that moment on with a full and thorough fierceness.  (She said yes to be a bridesmaid in my wedding to Marcel.)  

Shellie Warren

People may not always like what Shellie says, but when she speaks there is never any doubt that she is speaking honestly.  SOOO, given that I write a blog about women entrepreneurs it seemed only appropriate to interview Shellie.  Here is what she said:

1) Tell us a little about yourself.  How did you get into writing and what are you currently working on?

I don't really think I got into writing. It's more like it got into me. My mom told me that when I was a very little girl, my preference above all toys was shaking newspaper (there must be something to that because my brother is an award-winning musician now and he preferred to hit on pots and pans!). I always did well in English and tended to gravitate toward creative writing. Even while in college and having no idea what the heck I was doing there (I flunked out twice, actually and have yet to return...we'll see), I excelled when it came time for papers to be due. 

In 1997 when I penned the poem, "I'm Single and That's Alright with Me" I got a standing ovation at a local poetry spot. It was the first time I realized that maybe my mom actually did know what she was talking about when she told me that I was a writer. In my mind, all I thought was, "Who applies to be a Maya Angelou or a CS Lewis?" As a full-time writer now, I realize the answer is "no one"...if you're gifted with words, words that can enlighten the world in some way, an audience will present itself.

Currently, I'm not sure what I'm working. It's all kind of a blur. I write for a company that commissions blogs on a daily basis. I ghostwrite for a woman that tours as a public speaker. I am a relationships writer for a website in Australia. I am the women's editor and contributor for X3Church.com. I have my own blog for single women that desire marriage: OnFireFastMovement.Blogspot.com. And I'm working on my next book. It hasn't told me what it should be titled yet and so I'm assuming that I'm not supposed to give a lot of details. Other than that, I freelance for a few magazines. A cool way to get a byline and have an unexpected check show up in the mail from time-to-time (you usually get paid 6-9 months after submitting material to major magazines...just a heads up!).

2) Tell us about your books. 

In 2004, I "birthed" my "firstborn". Her name is "Inside of Me: Lessons of Lust, Love and Redemption". It's basically what I consider to be my sex autobiography in the sense that it shares my journey from sexual abuse to sexual misuse to the beginning stages of abstinence. 

My second is "Pure Heart: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Integrity" Pure Heart, basically picks up where "Inside of Me" left off. I also have a T-shirt line, "Perez Linen" and a friend of mine and I are developing a production company for one man and one woman shows. We haven't trademarked the name yet and so I'll keep that quiet for now (if you're someone who makes money from ideas, be very careful about who you share your intellectual property with. Keep those Facebook and Twitter exchanges to a minimum!).

I do some touring as the women's "Porn and Pancakes" speaker for http://www.xxxchurch.com/. I'm proud of the work that we do when it comes to helping people get free from porn and sexual addiction and so if I were to market anything, it would probably be that most of all.

3) What are some future goals?

I'm at a place in my life where I'm not sure what my future looks like in the sense of what I want to do next. The last 10 years or so have been about doing a lot of healing (college and the early-mid 20s are a real trip!). I spent six years working as a teen mom director for the local chapter of a national non-profit and with all of the sexual issues that I had to work through (promiscuity, four abortions, date rape, broken hearts, etc.) that did a lot of healing for me. I'm also in the process of becoming certified to be a licensed doula and so I'm sure that will tie in one way or another. I think more than anything, I want to finish getting Butterfly Angel off of the ground. It's intended to be a non-profit organization that celebrates survivors of sexual abuse. The concept came from a little "love sister" of mine in South Africa who is a survivor of sexual abuse just like I am. She wrote me a poem entitled, "My Butterfly Angel" that has stayed with me ever since. Other than that, I honestly have accomplished more than I ever dreamed on a professional level. I would like to do some documentaries, record a few audio books, do a college tour and maybe become a syndicated columnist at some point, but right now, at this moment, taking a bit of time to travel, to pamper myself, to pat myself on the back for what's already been done is pretty high on the to-do list.

4) What advice would you give to women who want to work for themselves?

Be prepared to work really hard...a lot. For instance, being that I am a writer, it's not like the world is lacking in those and so I have to make sure to market myself and to keep my voice relevant and current. On the financial side of things, 1099s can come to bite you with the sharpest of teeth! Keep up with your taxes. Paying them quarterly is wise. Oh, and if you're wanting stability and to live on the high-end side of life, it's possible, but it's more the exception than it is the rule...especially the first 3-5 years of working for yourself. I have to be quite creative with my finances in order to enjoy the luxury of working from home, but to be on my own schedule...there's nothing like the feeling of knowing that you're putting your blood, sweat and tears (sometimes literally) into building your own dreams rather than someone else's (even the freelancing that I do for others, the byline helps to get my name out to attach to my own visions). This isn't a field for the fickle or faint of heart, though. Self-employment is a ravenous lover that wants a lot of your time and attention. Rarely is there any room to cheat. It requires the same kind of discipline day in and day out. 

5) What role does your Spiritual connection and relationship with God play in working as a freelancer?

I've been living by the motto that the Holy Spirit and I have been discussing as of late: "You don't have to take leaps of faith if you'd simply follow your ordered steps." Some people would say that freelancing requires a lot of faith. I get where they're coming from, but 12 years in, I think it requires more obedience than anything. Every day, I go to God about what he desires of me and when I do that, he makes the path pretty clear. After all, the Word does say in Proverbs 3:5-6 that if we acknowledge him, he will direct us. Since 1997, something else that I've also done, basically every week, is pen a devotional that I send out. For years people have asked when I'm going to publish them. I don't have an answer to that question. I see it as a way of tithing some of my spiritual gifts, including writing, back to the Lord and Malachi 3 tells us that when we tithe, he'll rebuke the devourer for our sake. I think that is what has kept me going---mentally, physically, emotionally and financially all these years: using my writing gift in a way that would not compromise my love for God and trusting him to open the doors as I do it.

Tell Us Your Secrets

I was asked to be a "prayer person" at a concert/praise and worship program my church put on this past weekend.  At a specific part of the program people were encouraged to come forward and be prayed over by a few of us who had the honor to play that role.  Sometimes my church is a little...hesitant to ask for prayer.  I'm not sure why, whenever someone asks to pray for me I'm all in; my life has been profoundly impacted by prayers for me. (unless they are one of those self-righteous churchianity people who just want to "pray" and tell me what I should be doing differently.)  Molly Page, a fellow blogger at http://www.aforeignland.org gets credit for the term churchianity.  It says it so well, yes?

At any rate, I had been praying all week that people would come forward, that they would be blessed in their vulnerability and that they would leave knowing that God had spoken to them.  People did come for prayer.  (Yes!!)  I held hands, hugged, cried, and laughed while praying.  When we ran out of time and turned our attention back to singing I noticed that I felt incredible joy and peace.  Completely....transcendent.

As I sat there after the prayer time, I asked God how I could do it more often.  It builds my faith and serves people in such a profound way.  An idea came and I can just picture an angel whispering it in my ear.

Kathy and Gale and I have talked and prayed about what to add to the blog.  We want it to be a community.  A place where you can bring questions and well, your heart.  So here is the idea.  We are going to start posting more than once a week.  We are going to ask that if you have prayers requests, you send them to us (after you've signed up for our mailing list of course!) and we will post your prayer request along with our written prayer for you.  You can sign your name or leave it anonymously but you will get some prayers and we would love it if you leave comments to let us know how God is answering.  Posting it will allow those who follow the blog to be involved in the praying too.

A FAIR WARNING:  I'm not talking about fluffy safe prayers.  We welcome and challenge you to bring the real stuff.  The wrestle with it in the night stuff.  I feel a little ill at stale prayers...not because I'm judging, but because I know somehow people have learned that it isn't safe to pray the real stuff.  They'll be judged.  Or they have this idea that they have to be "nice" when talking to God.  Read a little about David in the Psalms. He got downright snotty with God and I figure if he was called a man after God's own heart that God can handle us when we are snotty, scared, petulant, greedy, arrogant, whiny, angry, pathetic...you get the idea.  I will also warn you that I do not edit or censor my prayers and so at times I may say things to God that make you uncomfortable.  There is no disrespect.  There is only heart.  OK?  I believe that part of the reason people are leaving Christianity is because they are literally sick of fake.  Of words without passion and prayers without power.  I fervently pray that this will never be the case here.  We believe that people will come to this blog because there is power in God's presence even in the blogosphere!  So who would like to start us off?  Any needs for prayer this week?  We can't wait to talk to God on your behalf.

JUST TO BE CLEAR:
We are asking that you post your prayers in the comment section of this post for now.  We will figure out later how to make it an ongoing section of the blog.  If it is something sensitive, please post anonymously because we will be blogging on it and millions of people the world over will have access to it. (Not that millions will see right now, but they will have access!)  As a therapist I'm a little zealous about confidentiality and all that good stuff.  These won't be confidential so please be aware of that!

Comments Returned!!

As promised I have begun to be more consistent about responding to comments!  As of now, anyone who has ever left a comment on our blog has got a response waiting so please feel free to go back through posts.  Also, if you sign up as a subscriber, the site will automatically notify you if comments are posted.  Yeah for community!!  Looking forward to future discussions!!

We Were Made for More

Is there a whisper in your heart that tells you you were made for more than what you're doing right now?

I have one and it is so incessant I struggle to relax at times.  It pushes and prods me, at times, to distraction. It has a Spiritual connection because my particular voice whispers about a calling God gave me years ago that I haven't yet felt like I was fulfilling.  It is an ache, an irritation, a drive, an inspiration, a push.  And it doesn't stop.

A few weeks ago I asked God to quickly get rid of anything that was getting in the way of my calling.  I told Him that if I freaked out because of too many changes too fast that I would trust Him to walk me through it.  I don't know what I expected, but what I got was getting roped into a class I didn't intend to keep teaching, asked to give up cable television (one of my all time favorite things to do), put on a budget, and impressed to drastically change my diet. Predictably, I got mad.  I felt trapped and irritated to find myself living a life that on the outside looks more restricted than the legalist religious crap that I embraced growing up.

I have wrestled with this until the moments I remember I asked for this.  I am tired of living with the ache of knowing I'm not all I'm meant to be.  That there are things that God has designed for me that I am missing because I have to watch the next episode of Castle...but seriously are Beckett and Castle not adorable?  I digress...

I was praying this morning about all these things God has me doing...living on a budget, letting go of fear around money, eating right, exercising, letting there be enough quiet in the house that I can hear His voice.  I noticed that the benefits have been outweighing the struggles and that there is something inside me that is doing things differently, it is not me.  When I struggle I have been looking up and saying, "This is your problem."  I didn't grow up really understanding that I can't do anything on my own, but I can do anything with Him.  This morning I felt Him tell me that this is what will prepare me for the more He has for me.  That as I learn to be faithful to these things, my faith is being prepared for more.

So bloggers, what is getting in the way of your "more?"

Note: As a relatively new blogger I am learning things each week and what I recently realized is that when people leave comments, they like to hear a response.  Imagine that!  According to my stats page there have been 15 comments and I have not responded to any of them.  I will be rectifying that and not letting it happen in the future.  We want a very interactive community!  This will help us meet your needs and if nothing else it is way more fun!  So leave those comments!  We look forward to getting to know you better.

Things to Come

Since I didn't post last week, I wanted to double up this week and let you know that Kathy, Gale, and I have been cooking some things up recently.  Be on the lookout for the String of Pearls team to be bringing added value and extra posts in the near future.  I am very excited that you will be hearing from Gale and Kathy soon too!!

The Woman Behind "Four Praise Songs!"

My most popular post thus far is called "Four Praise Songs" and in it I talk about how I finally got an idea for working out that is actually working for me.  The friend I got this from is Mary Thompson.  This week's blog will highlight a business Mary has developed (one of many) and for any of you who need some help with designing your home, this might also be a good opportunity.  But first I just want to tell you about my friend.

Mary is a single mother of four amazing, although challenging young adults. (I should know, I used to babysit them.)  In the picture she looks calm and professional but the Mary I know dances to praise music in her kitchen (she used to be a professional dancer), she usually has paint splattered somewhere on her person, her house is usually a wreck (but so full of life and love), and she is one of the few women I have ever met who is able to flirt like a crazy person and have it remain completely harmless and boundaried.

Mary and I met about 13 years ago when I visited a 12-step meeting.  Mary was leading that night and telling her story.  I remember being amazed by her and captivated by the atmosphere in the room as she shared about her life.  There was a passion and strength about Mary that stayed with me.  But I didn't go back to the meeting.  I was struggling in a painful marriage at the time and I wasn't sure this meeting was what I needed.  Flash forward a year and I was in enough pain that I came back.  I didn't care if it was where "I fit", I needed a place to talk, to have it remain confidential, and where I wouldn't be judged.  (It would be nice if all our churches were this way, huh?  But I digress...) I felt like I cried in that meeting every week for about a year.  Mary was in that meeting regularly and her shares were a sort of lifeline for me.  She had been through similar circumstances and was alive and vibrant.

Eventually I worked up my nerve to ask her to sponsor me and thus began our more structured relationship.  Because she was my sponsor she got to know me REALLY well.  Over the years Mary has walked with me through everything...my divorce, moves, and getting accepted to grad school at Vanderbilt. (We screamed like 7th grade cheerleaders when I got my acceptance letter).  We did Bible study together, prayed together, sometimes yelled at each other, and eventually I was able to walk with her through a time of horrific pain in her own life.  Our bond is now that of sisters.

You may have picked up that I think a lot of this amazing woman.  I actually think this is the hardest blog I've written so far because I so much want to do justice to who she is and what our relationship has meant to me.  I remember coming to visit her in Nashville after I moved away.  I had not had any sleep the night before and I remember feeling completely lost because I so wanted to talk and spend time together and I could hardly see straight.  I was afraid that she would be angry because I was too tired to really spend time together.  She didn't get angry, she just put me to bed...in her bed.  She has been absolutely and unconditionally loving to me.  Calling me on it when I was being an idiot but never ever faltering in her love for me.  I have absolutely no idea how I got so blessed because when we met I was an absolute mess.  She taught me God's grace and up until the time I finally got it, she was quite fond of telling me I had no idea what it looked like.

Mary had been a stay at home mom most of her married life and at times bartered her design skills for things her family needed.  After her divorce she had a family member tell her she was going to have to get a job at Walmart.  She didn't feel this was God's calling for her and over the last few years I have seen her continually grow as an entrepreneur.  She has many businesses, but for the purposes of this blog we'll focus on her design business.  Mary calls herself a design coach because rather than foisting her own design signature on people she finds out what works for them and helps them put it together.  Please check out her blog at www.mydesigncoach.com.  Mary has agreed to offer an internet special for anyone who contacts her as a result of this blog.

Mary knows that one of the main reasons people struggle with decorating is because they don't always know what they like.  This is the area Mary shines!  For the purposes of this blog, Mary has put together a deal that will allow you to define your style.  This offer is for a phone consult with 3 follow up emails for $89.00.  Please contact her through her website or at mydesigncoach@gmail.com.  If you live in the Nashville area and have a design project she is available for consult as well.

Define Your Style!

Phone Consult

3 Follow Up Emails

$89.00

mydesigncoach@gmail.com

www.mydesigncoach.com